Story of an Adoptive Mom

The decision to adopt has been long and tedious for me. After so many failed relationships, I decided I didn't want to put it off until I find "the right one". But then, I was advised not to until I am sure I am adopting because I want a baby not because I am nursing a broken heart.

I am 50% Filipina (Mom side). It was important to my mother that I don't forget where I came from. When it was clear to me that I wanted to adopt, I also made decision to adopt in the Philippines. I quit my work (10 years in one of the biggest advertising agencies in the world, highly glamorous and highly lucrative) so I could go to the Philippines and adopt there.

Unlike here (U.S.), adoption agencies are not popular there. There is the legal way and the "whatever" way.

The Legal Way

The legal way is to go to the Department of Social Welfare and file your request. there are interviews and background checks. I passed all the requirements. Their biggest consideration is financial stability and that's something I have.

The Whatever Way

There are a lot of, err... not talked about ways on how to adopt. For one, there are a lot of mothers who would just allow you to take the child right after birth. You will sign the birth certificate as the mother and hospital allows it because, according to them, there are a lot of mothers who abandon their children. It's better for the kid to have a parent than end up in some orphange.

I chose the legal way but...

I chose the legal way but i realized that there are a lot of corruption there. They refuse to match me, giving me this and that excuses. later on, a relative explained that the person from the agency is waiting for some "gifts" from me in the form of cash. I didn't understand why I would have to do that.

I explored all possibilities until I had no other option left. I started getting depressed again feeling like I am failing again. I failed at my relationships and now, I am failing in adopting. I had zero self esteem.

My auntie advised that I hire a lawyer. I did and finally, after one year, I was finally matched.

The Meeting

I was told it was a boy and that I was going to have the baby right after birth. I was asked if I wanted to meet the mother and I did but they called me up and told me the mother didn't want to me.

I was okay with it. I was just going to wait until the day.

It was 1am when I received the call and I was told the mother is in labor, 7cm and that the place of birth was about an hour away. I drove and waited for three more hours in the lobby of the clinic. Surprisingly, I was extremely calm which was the opposite of what I have been feeling since I was told I was matched.

I already knew I was not going to meet the mother. By 5 am, I was told the baby is out. I prepared myself, fixed my hair, put on make up before I realized I was being silly. It was a baby I was going to meet.

By 8am, I still haven't gotten the baby and by 8:30, I was told the mother wanted to meet me.

She was 15 and she was beautiful. After we shook hands, she stared at me and started sobbing. She told me that she hates me. It surprised me but I understood what she was feeling. She said she wanted to see me hoping she would hate me less but she only hates me more because I seem to be the woman she wants to become and the woman she might not become.

I didn't know what to say but I also started sobbing. Here I was feeling so insecure when in fact, I have the kind of life someone else is dreaming off. I didn't know what to say except what I really felt and that is gratitude for doing the right things, going through with the pregnancy and being selfless so she can give her baby a better future.

After about fifteen minutes, the nurse came in with the baby. The baby was crying. They gave it to the mother who gave the baby to me. I swear... I am not kidding... he stopped crying the minute I had him in my arms.

His name is Caleb.

He is now 18 monhts. I now work from home, I have no nanny, no lovelife (LOL). My friends have gotten used to coming to my home if they want to spend time with me. I am head to toe, a mother.

Posted on 2013-04-29 22:40:01 by iamamother  

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