A letter I will never send to JZ, the woman I once thought I will spend the rest of my life with... and maybe I was right. Maybe those times with her was my life and the everything that will happen after that is not life anymore.
... or maybe I was wrong. Maybe, she's is great part of my life but not the whole of it.
... there is a way we can talk out way out of our mess. we have always been great at settling things by talking things through. our relationship has been more or less painless because we know how to communicate. we have always been open about how we feel and how we don't feel. i have always thought that's why we have managed to survive.
... we can close our eyes and just forget about what happened. i have always thought we have so much love between us that we can just breath in and breath out and the love we have for each other will fill our whole being and that would be enough for us to just move on.
... we can get to that point when we will just finally accept our fate faster. for someone who have been so in love like we have been, it is hard to accept that a single event can bring us apart. that's why we are both trying to hold bad. but the end is near and we see it. it's just a matter of both of us opening our eyes and walking towards that direction.
... that the thought of separation being too painful becomes a better option than staying together miserably. i have always thought that being with you miserable is way better than being with someone else happy. but i guess it's different when i actually feel your pain and misery. it becomes toturous to a level that's worse than torturing myself.
... we have given it all we've got. all that is really left and the only thing that's keeping us together is love and it's not enough anymore. the betrayal, the lies, the neglect and all the pain in between have taken over our being now.
... it's also that love that allows us to not hate and despise each other. it is that same love that makes us want to try a bit more. it is why wa still feel that happiness we we are together, that makes us treat each other the way we always have, with affection and gentleness.
... that soon enough, we need to part. it will be harder than what we imagine now but i also know that as dependent we are on our love for each other, we have enough courage individually.
... we will be fine. it will take us some time to recover, to look at each other in the face and not feel pain but i know we will get there. someday... somehow, we will be friends and we will again be filled with love for each other.
But don't worry. I'll wait. I'll wait and I'll stay with you until you get to that point when you are ready to leave. I promise you that when that time comes, I will let you go.