I understand it now. I understand why people blame God when they are faced with adversities like this, cancer. It’s one of those things that you really can’t do anything about. You can’t control it. You have to go to a doctor and let him do things to you that he learned from school which are supposed to increase your chances of getting better. They studied for more than ten years and spent hundreds of thousands of dollars but they will never guarantee it’s going to work.
So there you are, submitting yourself to procedures that make you lose your hair and puke and smell bad… you listen to people going in and out of your room telling you they need to do this and that to you… they take your blood, they scrape your skin, they listen to your heartbeat… the body that you have taken care of your entire life is now at the mercy of people you don’t even know.
And yet, they never guarantee it’s going to work.
Suddenly, your whole life changes just because you have this tiny cell in your body… one tiny cell that corrupted other cells. How can that happen? How can one tiny cell do that to the rest of your body?
There is nothing you can do so you are left to “blaming someone” just to have some sort of releases from the frustration. But who is there to blame, really? The doctors have nothing to do with you. They met you when you already have it. Are you to blame your parents? They had the genes that you got but it’s not like they had the chance to remove the genes.
So you are left with that someone who can supposedly do everything, God. If He can create the universe, why couldn’t he take that one single cell out of your body? Why couldn’t he freeze it and make it immobile? Why couldn’t he wave his hand and just keep you safe?
Why couldn’t he help you?
It’s not lack faith… it’s just helplessness… it’s just pain, the kind that no medicine can save you from… it’s just sadness because after all that you’ve been through, after all that you did to live your life the best way you know how, after all that you did to help others, you still end up on that hospital bed, with people you don’t know surrounding you, looking at your body, looking at inside your body… that body that you were told was supposed to be respected and loved.
So… maybe, God will understand if you keep on blaming him for a little while because He can do anything… including taking the blame for something He didn’t do just as so you’d feel better.