I honestly thought that you were the woman I was going to marry. I literally couldn’t picture anyone being the mother of my children but you. I couldn’t imagine spending the rest of my life with you.
I still can’t… but I have to.
I never understood why people have affairs. I told you that before and I remember you laughing at me. I remember you saying that I should never make statements like that because I just might do it. I promised you then I never would.
I kept my promise. You didn’t… make a promise.
The funny thing is that I have always believed in our future together. I have always been confident of your love for me. I always knew, with so much certainty, that you will never leave me, that no matter what, there will always be us.
I knew the path we were threading was not easy. The world we are in is so complicated but I wasn’t the least bit worried. In fact, I was excited. I was excited about the challenges, the problems, the trials… because I knew we will get through it. We will both prove to everyone that it is possible to have this much love, trust, and respect.
I knew there were so many people betting against us and I laughed at them. I laughed at how pathetic it was for people to shun things they can’t have. I laughed at how sad it is not to experience what we had.
I didn’t know the joke was on me.
It was me who was a fool to believe we had something so great and so strong to defy everything. For a 30-year-old guy, I was pretty naïve… pretty stupid. I looked at the world through a rose-colored window. Everything is happy and ideal for me until I saw you with someone else.
Right at the moment, everything stopped. I stopped living. I breathe in and out merely to survive. I stopped believing in everything that’s good. I stopped trusting everyone that has ever been good to me. All because I felt that if someone like you could hurt me, what else could I expect from anyone.
I hated you for so long. I hated everyone and everything for so long. That’s why I never spoke with you. I was too angry at you for betraying me.
Then I started becoming angry at me… for believing in you.
Then I started becoming angry at everyone else… for tearing us apart.
But I’m exhausted. It’s been too painful for too long and no one else is suffering but me. So… I’ll do this. I’ll forgive you.
I forgive you for what you have done because you don’t deserve a space in my heart, in my mind, and in my life.
I’m not going to lose me just because of you. You are not worth a single moment more. You are not worth a second of my thoughts. I was never perfect but I didn’t do anything that would nearly justify the way you lied to me.
No, I don’t hate you. Not anymore. I used to but now, I just don’t care about you. I have forgiven you but I also don’t care about you.
And someone I don’t care about won’t be the reason I change the way I look at love and life. I still belive in love, I still believe that there is someone out there that will give me the same kind of love I am willing to give.
Not everyone is a liar… just you.