It’s a little embarrassing to realize that once for more than a year, I was actually in love you.
No, this is not me being bitter for losing you. This is me being bitter for the humiliation I brought upon myself for actually going into a relationship with you.
For a time, I have taken pride from being smart. Clearly, I wasn’t.
I keep on thinking what exactly it was that made me fall in love with you.
You’re an immature bastard who has no dreams. God knows I was never the materialistic kind of girl. I have simple dreams and simple wants. I was ready to settle with an ordinary guy for as long as I know his dreams are not lower than mine. For as low as my standards were, you managed make me look like I was aiming to be the UN Secretary General.
For one, I had to help you get a job which I managed to do even when you didn’t know what kind of job you wanted.
As demeaning it was for me, I took it in. After all, being a couple means we need to stick it for better or for worse right.
That’s what I thought. Apparently, you were reading a different book because when it was my turn to go through a rough time, you acted like I was a pest. You were always irritated and scorned at the sight of me.
Actually, I should have known early in the relationship. I fell in love with you because I thought you were a good listener. You always seemed to interested in what I had to say. Apparently, it’s because you had nothing to say. You’re brain had so much space because you didn’t really fill it up with much information.
Not everything was crap. Of course, I did learn a thing or two from being with you and I want to thank you for it.
For one, I finally learned what are the things I am willing and not willing to do for a man.
I am not willing to hold myself back just to make a man look better than he really does. I am not going to diminish my light just to make the guy shine brighter. I will do what I want to do, achieve what I can, go as far as I can.
If a man wants to be the “achiever” in the relationship, then he should start achieving. Only a man who earns his own keeps has the right to have an ego. Only a man who works hard to become better has the right to have pride.
I also realized that I shouldn’t apologize for the things that I buy for myself because I worked hard for the money. I do what I can to help others but I will not be embarrassed for wanting things.
Most of all, I know my worth now and I will never compromise that. If a man doesn’t see that, it’s his loss not mine.
So, this is a goodbye and a thank you of sorts. Goodbye to you and thank you to myself for waking up from the stupidity I was in before it was too late.
Grow up a pair.