You are not my ideal boyfriend. Not even close.
But what we have, despite its unconventional setting, is more than what I had ever hoped for. I'm not saying it is perfect -- after all, what is? But right now, I could not ask for a better partner than you.
I could still remember the first serious (flirting? I swear I don’t know how to do that) conversation we had via YM. I never thought then that I was getting into deep trouble already. I was starting to enjoy talking to you but was totally certain that you were no more than a friend. I was not a girl guys go for. You're hot. I had “someone” then. You were miles away. You were still in love with her.
The course of knowing you was difficult and delightful at the same time. The trickiest part is being able to understand your past and opening up my own. There were times when I would be too clouded with fear that I will just detach and seclude myself once again back to my private world. But you seem to always find a way to break in. You let your defenses down to open up and share your dreams and fears and memories, and knowing that you are most vulnerable, was bliss in itself. It made me feel safe.
You make me cry – more often than I ever expected. You make me cry with things you say and never say, things you do and never do. You disappoint me a lot of times. You scare me. You annoy me and frustrate me. So bad that sometimes I just want to kick you in the ass, so HARD. But to live life without you would be like to dying in pain and misery. And I just can't quite imagine going through with the rest of this lifetime without you around. There may be things that we still need to work out but I wouldn't want to change anything just yet.
Hmm.. i won't be taking my heart back, you can keep it.